What’s the point of romantic love anyway?
I want to start the day with a thank you. Love Letters launched Jan. 22, 2009. That makes today our 15th anniversary. (Appropriate gift is crystal.)
This column has changed so much over the years, but some of my favorite commenters are still here, giving excellent advice, sharing stories, telling me my own advice missed the mark.
I am filled with gratitude every time someone sends a letter. The lessons I learn here have helped me navigate the world.
I know that many people feel lonely these days and fear no one can see them. Sometimes I feel that way too.
All I can say is: I would be pleased to see you. Send a question. It help others who might be wondering about the same thing.
Also: I would like to run some letters about complicated friendships and family relationships. Many would say they’re not love letters, but they are in their own way. I’m happy to include letters about the relationships that affect us most. In our 15th year, it doesn’t always have to be about romantic love (although that will always be our base).
I received today’s letter a few weeks ago and didn’t know how to respond at first. It seemed like a good letter to run on our crystal celebration. – Meredith
I read your column every week. Some of the questions seem reasonable, some seem nuts, and the responses from readers are always interesting. The main thing I am wondering about lately is: why do people feel the need to be part of a couple? When I was much younger, I did always want to have a boyfriend, and I had several.
I was married for eight years until my husband died. After that, I had two more boyfriends, but all of that was almost 20 years ago. I am 60 now.
I can vaguely remember what being in love was like, and I know it was great, but honestly don’t remember why that was something to be pursued as a goal.
Why do people get married? I’m not sure anymore. If they want to have children, it makes sense I guess. For people who don’t plan to reproduce, what is the benefit of being a “couple” as compared to just having friends? I live alone and greatly prefer it.
– Uncoupled
We all want different things for different reasons.
Some of us like to skip experiences, and that’s OK, too.
For instance, I’ve never wanted to have children because it looks scary, expensive, and time-consuming. Also, no matter how much you love your kid, they’re probably going to look at you one day and say, “So many things are your fault!”
That’s an oversimplification, of course, and for the record, I love kids. I’m grateful my friends have become parents so I can have wonderful young people in my life (and take them to Taylor Swift concerts on the 1989 tour, etc.).
Similarly, my friends did a lot of dating (and marrying) in their mid-30s, but that’s when I was happiest being single. I was a lazy dater. I wanted to go to the movies and eat guacamole with platonic companions.
Now I’m in a place where romantic love can be part of things too. I see room for everything.
The point is, we evolve. We shift our priorities. We find human connection in new places as we get older.
You don’t have to want what other people want, but I’m sure you can have empathy for their experience and hope they return the favor.
At the very least, you can be grateful you get to read some letters about their adventures. That counts for something.
– Meredith
Readers? Any thoughts on why romantic love and marriage remains a priority for so many people? Do you think this letter writer feels like their choices aren’t valued?
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What's the point of romantic love anyway? - Boston.com
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