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Coronavirus Briefing: Love in the Time of Covid - The New York Times

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A look at how relationships are faring two years into the pandemic.

This is the Coronavirus Briefing, an informed guide to the pandemic. Sign up here to get this newsletter in your inbox.

Daily reported coronavirus cases in the United States, seven-day average.
The New York Times

The pandemic has not been kind to many couples.

Lockdowns have added strains to relationships, leading to a spike in divorces when they were lifted. Differences in opinion over vaccines, masking or virus restrictions have ripped marriages apart. For single people seeking a partner, it has often made finding someone harder.

And yet, throughout the last two years, the Times Weddings section has featured the stories of couples who have not only managed to find each other during the plague, but also make their love stronger.

For insight into how relationships are faring two years into the pandemic, I turned to my colleague Charanna Alexander, the editor of The Times’s Weddings section.

How would you describe the moment we’re in, in terms of our relationships?

Depending on what stage of relationship you’re in, we’ve seen quite the range. Some couples found that increased time together led to a deeper bond, while others realized that they were no longer compatible. However, I think the common thread of where we are now is acceptance. We recently published an article about how the last two years have led to drastic changes in many relationships and how people can accept and embrace the many ways their partner changed during this time.

The pandemic and the recent Omicron surge have been less than ideal for building new relationships. What we are seeing is that singles are accepting that the dating landscape has changed drastically. Those who were against online dating now realize the benefits of being able to connect with others virtually. We also recently talked to women who have used the last two years to focus on healing and dating differently and breaking toxic dating habits. This has been an introspective time for everyone in relationships as we all are trying to adapt to a rapidly changing environment.

How has the pandemic changed relationships?

It seems as if we are all collectively a lot more focused on connection and community. When you lose the ability to nurture relationships with the same frequency that we were able to in the before times, it creates a shift in consciousness to where we all value our relationships so much more. Couples are getting more creative about ways to nurture their relationships. (We recently published a list of resolutions that can help reignite your relationship.) We’ve also seen that some couples struggled with maintaining the romantic aspects of their relationship during the pandemic, while others struggled with conflict resolution and had to learn how to communicate differently.

What are new relationship trends you’re seeing in the Weddings section?

We are seeing a lot of couples who met right before the lockdown and quarantined together, which expedited their relationships in a way. It’s really nice to see all the love stories where couples took the leap and started something new during an uncertain time, ended up falling in love and are now getting married.

What lessons will we take away from the pandemic?

I think the biggest relationship lesson or takeaway from the pandemic is the importance of time. For some couples, the pandemic facilitated an opportunity to spend more time together at home and that really helped couples to bond in a way that I think wouldn’t have happened otherwise. And even though some couples are no longer spending as much time together, they are carving out time for quality time together and with their families because of how much their homes have transformed in a positive way. I think, in a way, it goes back to what I said earlier about how we’ve all shifted to prioritizing time with our loved ones and valuing community.

We asked our readers how the pandemic has changed their relationships. Thanks to all of you who shared your stories.

“I entered into my first romantic relationship in a decade during this time. We connected on a dating app, met for a beer and spent three hours on a freezing cold patio. The next date was a hike, and on the way back to the car, I said: “Wanna hold hands? I’ve got hand sanitizer.” We had a very hot makeout session next to my Christmas tree with no kissing (the masks stayed on!) when he dropped me off that day. I informed my pod that night that the masks were coming off for date No. 3. We just celebrated a year together.” — Linda Anzalone, Portland, Ore.

“When the pandemic started, my husband and I were distant ships passing in the night. We have two young children and have been together since we were 17. All of a sudden, we were with each other all the time — on opposite ends of the couch. Then, in an effort to escape a little from reality, we decided to try edibles (legal in our state!). For a few hours, we’re able to be giggly and worry free. We have rediscovered our feelings and love for each other, hidden under years of sleepless nights, hurt feelings and stress. It has been absolutely transformative.” — Mia Newton, San Jose, Calif.

“I’m polyamorous and pansexual, so being in multiple relationships at once was a staple of my prepandemic life. With the lockdowns, shelter-in-place orders and wave upon wave of new variants, living a polyamorous life has become almost impossible. While monogamous/ monoamorous folx can just hunker down and pod with their one partner, I have to make difficult decisions about which partner(s) I’m going to continue seeing in person and which relationships are going virtual. But I will say that polyamorous folx have an advantage when it comes to navigating around Covid safety protocols. My monogamous friends are all complaining about how awkward and hard it is to negotiate Covid boundaries before a first date, but the polyamorous community is so used to navigating boundaries around multiple partners, sexual health, kink, etc., that navigating around Covid boundaries is second nature.” — Eliana, Atlanta

“In June 2020, my wife left for Greece with the kidsbecause our house was filled with tension. My 13-year-old son felt trapped at home and the streets were empty. It’s hard to remember how it was. They were gone for 15 months. I resented their leaving. Things happened while they were away — a kidney stone and a torn meniscus. I closed a business. I moved out of our apartment. I visited Greece twice, toward the end of the 15 months. Their life was full of family, food and the Greek version of the lockdown. When my wife returned, we both had changed. We don’t have much in common anymore. Our differences — age, culture, work — have become what defines our relationship more than what we have in common. I still love her, and I think she still loves me, but it is very difficult, and I am not sure if we will make it.” — Anonymous, New York City

“My first date was fully masked, so I didn’t know what the person I was dating looked like. At night, in low light, we unmasked about 12 feet from each other. I squinted to try to see what he looked like far away and in low light.” — Tiffany, Philadelphia

“One day in February 2021, I was covering for the manager of a Covid vaccination clinic. Knowing there were usually extra vaccines at the end of the day, I offered for my male friend to come in and get vaccinated. He did, and once he was fully vaccinated, I shared my ulterior motives: I wanted to sleep with him. We are both single, live alone and wear masks in public. This arrangement has worked out very well. My only regret is that we did not do it during the first year of the pandemic. When life gets back to normal, I suspect our friendship will remain, even if our love life changes.” — Samantha Ryan, Calif.

“The pandemic actually brought romantic love back into my life. I was first married in 2004, but found that my husband and I simply drove each other crazy. We were divorced in 2011, but remained good friends. When the pandemic hit, we decided to isolate together at my home, figuring that would be better than isolating alone. Lo and behold, we discovered that after all this time we could actually live together without making each other nuts. Seeing how many people were losing loved ones made us rethink our priorities. My ex and I remarried each other this past October. We feel that our falling in love again — and being able to make it work — are the silver linings in our pandemic experience.” — Debra A. Turnbull, Lake Worth, Fla.

“In the early days of 2020, my best friend and I left our community houses in the Bay Area to quarantine together for three weeks. Now we’re very much in love, building a home and future together, cat-child and all. Falling in love was a scary proposition for the risk it posed to our friendship and the fact that neither of us had ever dated women before. We might not have taken the leap were it not for the time and space to be together without the noise of our regular lives. In the moments that happen when we slow down, we are able to see the love that is right in front of us.” — Melena, Bay Area, Calif.

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