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One of the most challenging aspects of parenthood that I have experienced has been co-parenting. Being able to operate outside of hurt, anger, resentment, and disappointment, in order to effectively communicate, has taken a lot of time and work. While some days are more challenging than others, I find that all the hard work is truly worth it. At one point, I hated my co-parent’s guts. Trying to parent during that time was much more difficult than now. All the progress we have made as co-parents is reflected through our son. He is the happiest little boy ever. Although he is too young to understand the dynamic of our co-parenting relationship, he experiences nothing but peaceful interactions between the two of us.
Blo-up, arguments, fights, and family court; you name it, we’ve been through it. From experiencing an ugly break up, to both of us moving on to new relationships, this has not been an easy road. Not to mention making sure your co-parent’s significant other doesn’t cross non-parental boundaries and coping with being away from your child for several days during visits with the other parent. Making mental notes of everything that your co-parent did wrong during their time with the child. Wondering if your child is okay, the buildup of anxiety before a court date. The whole ordeal was more than exhausting. It was draining. It became all I thought and talked about. Everyday was a new opportunity to talk trash about my child’s father. It consumed me. So much so that it was taking away from the positive and loving energy that I could have been giving my children.
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It wasn’t until I came to that realization, that co-parenting became easier. Instead of focusing on the negative experiences with my son’s father, I put more energy into loving on my husband and my children. I became happier. Compromising with my co-parent seemed to work better for me rather than being spiteful. In return, communication became less painful for the both of us. Our son experienced a more positive interaction between the two of us during pick up and drop off time. My son’s father has since opened up more and has been more vocal. I feel accomplished in knowing that our son can grow up and say that his parents actually got along for his sake. He has never witnessed us arguing about visitation, money, or our different parenting skills.
I would be lying if I said everything was perfect. There are still some days I get frustrated with my co-parent. But compromising for the emotional wellbeing of our son, is much more important to us. It isn’t worth the drama. Although we aren’t at the stage where my husband, son’s father, his partner and I are all the birthday party taking pictures with matching shirts, we have certainly come a long way. The unconditional love we have for our son, has been the sole factor in us being able to get on the right path to successful co-parenting. By both of us keeping our son in mind, there leaves no room for constant fighting. It becomes easy to forget all the negativity of the past and look forward with the goal of raising a successful, happy and healthy boy.
Here are some tips on how to build a stronger co-parenting relationship:
Focus solely on the child.
If you love your child more than you despise your co-parent, communicating and compromising will become second nature.
Realize that your child needs both parents equally.
Eventually, I realized that although I am the mother, my role does not trump the father’s role. I became more comfortable and less anxious while our child was visiting his father. Being mommy doesn’t mean that I am more capable than dad.
Encourage your child to enjoy the time they spend with the other parent.
This will make your child happy, knowing that you won’t feel sad or disappointed when they leave with the other parent. They won’t feel bad for leaving you and having a good time.
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August 21, 2022 at 09:09PM
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What Co-Parenting Has Taught Me About Unconditional Love - Black Love
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