Dear Abby: I am married, but my wife and I are unhappy and have been for years. We grew apart after 17 years. We tried counseling multiple times; it only reinforces the decision to divorce. I have had two affairs. One lasted six months; the other on and off for the past nine months.
The latter lady, “Gayle,” and I have an amazing connection in our lifestyles and beliefs. We even have the same birthday. It’s undeniable. We also have chemistry like no other. The problem is, she doesn’t think we will work. We take breaks, which only lead her to want to see me weeks later.
I have professed my love for her and, while she hasn’t said it back, everything points to it. When we are intimate, she cries and tells me how much I mean to her. Gayle is strong-willed, independent and lives her life on her terms. When she makes a decision, it’s final. But not with me — she keeps coming back. I have written her numerous letters declaring my love for her. I get lost in her eyes. I don’t want to lose her. Any advice?
— Desperate in Connecticut
Dear Desperate: Granted, you and Gayle may have amazing chemistry and other things in common, including birthdays. However, relationships are supposed to be mutual. As you have described it, this one is entirely on Gayle’s terms, and she hasn’t told you she loves you. Could it be because you are still married?
You have important issues to straighten out before you can have an open relationship with Gayle. One of them is whether you are ready to end your unhappy marriage. Once you are a free man, Gayle may be more forthcoming and available. If not, your romance wasn’t meant to be anything more than an exciting interlude. Before pinning your hopes on Gayle, it’s imperative to take control of your own life.
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Dear Abby: Man meets the love of his life while married - The Santa Rosa Press Democrat
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