If you watch the news much or keep up with current events, it might appear that our society is falling apart at the seams. Our nation is divided on many issues, and standing back looking in, it does not seem to be getting better any time soon. We argue about politics, religion, race, gender, equality, who can get married, what color the flag is and even which restaurant has the best chicken sandwich. Our life experiences lead us to form our own beliefs and opinions, which trickle down to how we act, how we treat people and how we feel. We are all unique in our own way. If we were all exactly alike in every way, there would be no such thing as football. What a sad world that would be.
Rhonda Smith
However, there is one thing that ALL people have in common. It doesn’t matter how old, what color, what religion, what gender or even how tough you think you are. We all have a universal need in our lives to be loved by someone. It doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic love, but we want to feel needed and valued by the special people in our lives. Unfortunately, relationships aren’t what they used to be, and it appears that people have become “disposable.” In other words, if someone gets tired of you, it has become easy for some folks to walk out and find another one just like you. If you are one of those people who got left behind, you find yourself having to “start over” once again, searching for that special someone that you think will make your life complete.
The dating scene has changed dramatically in the last few decades, and it is even stranger if you live in a small town. If you have lived in the same community all of your life, everyone knows everyone’s business and most everyone is related, so trying to find a partner can be quite challenging. I sometimes live vicariously through the tales that I hear about relationships and dating, and some of these experiences leave me in a state of disbelief. I wonder how the things that happen are acceptable in any universe. One universe that can be utterly shocking is the one we have named “online dating hell.” We must admit, it is difficult to meet new people. If you don’t meet them at church or the county honky-tonk, where do people make connections these days? Thanks to social media and the anonymity of the internet, online dating has become a very popular and viable option.
From the nightmare narratives that I hear on a regular basis, I have concluded that if you are going to look for your soulmate using the online platform, you need a few guidelines. I wish that individuals who decided to sign up for a dating app were required to attend an etiquette class before they could send that first bold message to a new love interest, but no one asked my opinion. So I will give it to you here, free of charge. Warning: Some of the following content may be explicit for sensitive readers. Proceed with caution.
To all men who are looking for love: 1) No one wants to see your junk. I promise, women are not turned on by the formal introduction by way of a picture of your private parts. I don’t know where you learned that we like to see that, but someone taught you wrong! DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT EVER send any lady a picture that displays all of your glory in hopes that it will make her be attracted to you. If you know anything, you should know that you make her fall in love with your glowing personality first and you save the ugly parts for last. 2) Asking for a naughty picture in return is NOT the way to win a woman’s heart. She may show you where her heart is located in her body, but you will never completely have hers if she is willing to send pictures of it to everyone who asks for it. It doesn’t make you special if she does send it to you — it just means that she doesn’t think enough of herself to save those private moments for the love of her life. So have some respect for her and yourself and just don’t ask. 3) If you are dating someone or you are married or ALMOST divorced, don’t sign up for online dating. We WILL find out and we WILL tell on you. Once you start a relationship on half-truths, the trust level can never be recovered. Don’t try to date someone until you are completely free to do so. It is just not fair to anyone. 4) Act interested in your match and ask her about HER. Always be respectful and do not cross any boundary that she is not ready for.
For all you single ladies: 1) If a man sends you a picture of his stuff — delete him. He is after one thing and is not interested in what is between your ears. 2) If he asks for a picture of your stuff — delete him. Have enough respect for yourself to know that any man who is worthy of you will not ask you for something so intimate and private before he has even met you in person. Don’t cheapen yourself by giving in just because you think that is the only way you will get attention from him. I promise you, if he asks you for boob pictures, you are not the only woman he has asked. Do you really want to date a man who has a collection of body parts in his camera roll? I didn’t think so. 3) If you are dating, married or almost single — same as above — don’t be available until you are truly available. Do your research and ask the right questions about your matches. If you find out that the person you are interested in is attached to someone else, drop him like a hot potato! Nothing good is going to come from that and YOU will end up being the enemy. Trust is the most important ingredient in a relationship and it is important that things start off on the right foot. Don’t be the “other woman” — it makes you feel cheap and used and someone is going to get hurt. 4) Don’t settle for less than what you deserve. Have self-respect and then find a man that you can respect.
Anyone who is single should make a list of 10 things that are important to you in a relationship and stick to them. Compare your list to the person you date, and if they don’t measure up, then move on. You will not be happy in the long run. Have standards. Everyone needs someone to love, just make sure you find THE ONE so you never have to sign up for “online dating hell” again.
Dr. Rhonda Smith is a licensed clinical social worker at South Central Regional Medical Center. Email her at
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April 20, 2021 at 02:31AM
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Modern love | Columnists | leader-call.com - leader-call.com
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