“The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”
— 1 John 4:8
Millions of love songs, books, movies and stage plays center around a single subject. The most talked about, sought after “treasure” of all, true love.
It’s in our genes. We need love. Without it, we die, figuratively and literally.
But sadly, what often passes for love is no more than a cross between lust and “getting our needs met.” And predictably, when the “payoff” runs out, so do the so-called lovers — on each other.
God, the inventor of love, has a much more enlightened view of love, but it often comes wrapped in the plain brown wrapper of trials and tribulations. But it’s definitely a package worth opening.
My Introduction
As a young father still in college, I often had the privilege of feeding my gorgeous infant daughter while my wife was in class. Only now, have I recognized how precious those moments were, which bonded me to that tiny vibrant treasure, while giving me a glimpse of what real love was all about.
Fast forward nearly 60 years and I find myself in a similar role, sleep deprived, feeding my Parkinson’s-stricken wife spoonful by spoonful while sitting side-by-side, arm over her shoulder in quiet, intimate contact.
I have noticed many similarities with feeding my daughter — the way she purses her lips anticipating a spoonful, her rocking motions when chewing, her touching my hand for another bite, her playful squirming when enjoying a particular kind of food, an occasional unbidden burp.
The subtle, unspoken signals reminding us that we belong to each other through thick and thin.
A New Definition
» Love is what’s left, long after the flashy wedding, exotic honeymoon, chocolates and flowers. After the skeletons are out of the closet, the bad habits revealed, the character flaws have been on excruciating display and shapely figures have given way to gravity.
After jobs are lost, bills go unpaid, cars break down, lawns grow over and laundry piles up. After a devastating medical diagnosis dissolves plans for the future and changes lives forever.
» Love flies in the face of faded romance, distressing circumstances and odds against marriage survival. Love turns a blind eye to outward appearances and remembers vows made before God and man.
» Love looks past worldly “advice” to get out when the going gets tough. It overlooks dirty adult diapers, spilled food, sudden falls, interrupted sleep, fatigue, monotony, hypervigilance, endless housework, loneliness, disappointments, fear and uncertainty.
» Loves looks upward to God for our inspiration and wherewithal to hang in there and overcome all challenges with honor and dignity.
Reflecting God’s Character
Our greatest example of selfless love is the God of the Bible who was willing to take the chance, despite the risks, and invite us into His glorious world in anticipation of the far weightier prize of experiencing perfect reciprocal love.
Contrasting this kind of God-love (literally, agape) with our more down-to-earth versions of what passes for the real thing, C.S. Lewis wrote, in his book The Four Loves:
“True love is a very risky business. There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.
“Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation ...
“I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God’s will than a self-invited and Self-protective love-less-ness ... Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness.
“If a man is not uncalculating toward the earthly beloveds whom he has seen, he is none the more likely to be so toward God whom he has not. We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.”
I will never look at duty, honor and loyalty the same again.
— D.C. Collier is a Bible teacher, discipleship mentor and writer focused on Christian apologetics. A mechanical engineer and Internet entrepreneur, he is the author of My Origin, My Destiny, a book focused on Christianity’s basic “value proposition.” Click here for more information, or contact him at [email protected]. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are his own.
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