When a Fayetteville woman lost her husband, battling a recently diagnosed disease while being a mother to four children became an unexpected reality. With the tragic death, Cindy Raben Redmond learned what being a mother to biological, adopted and stepchildren meant in times of need for extra love and support.
When her husband Tony Raben died suddenly from a heart attack, Redmond was left to find the balance between mourning his death and caring for their four children. The couple had one biological and one adopted daughter together, and Redmond became a stepmom to Tony's two children -- children she loved like her own, mothering and encouraging them following his death.
"It was pretty traumatic for all of us, because we had a wonderful blended family," says Redmond. "My kids are really just the center of my universe. But the story doesn't end there."
Redmond recently married Clyde Redmond, a father of six children, and says she has even more love for her expanded family of 10 kids. But with this change, she and her children still honor the memory of Tony, her late husband, a father whose death in 2017 brought his family closer.
"When it comes to death, the bonding that is associated with that is beyond anything I could have imagined," Redmond says. "Nobody else can really relate to how much you love him except the people that love him."
Redmond says the bond between her and her adopted daughter Chloe grew stronger when grieving the death of Tony. At 17, Chloe was the youngest in her family processing her father's death. She struggled with getting rid of his belongings, and Redmond used Chloe's feelings as a lesson for self-confidence.
"I found myself and found my voice," Chloe says. "I think that's a positive thing that came out of it, because I was very shy growing up, and I feel like ever since then she showed me you have to stand up for yourself and what you want.
"When it was just us in the house, we knew we had to have each other's backs -- always being upfront with each other, telling each other everything," Chloe says. "I just know she handled everything and let me and my siblings be in the background. She would do all the hard stuff, like planning and getting back to normal life."
Watching their mom grieve the loss of her husband was difficult by itself, but seeing her diagnosed with Parkinson's disease brought with it its own emotions, says Bayli Mahler, Redmond's biological daughter. Diagnosed shortly after her husband's death, Redmond says she longed for the support of her husband, who was a physician. But despite her initial fear she has arisen stronger than her disease.
"I've decided that Parkinson's doesn't define me," she says. "I know I have it, and it hit me in the gut like crazy, and I missed him and I wished he would've been here to help me through it. But it definitely isn't something that defines me; it's just my cross to bear."
Seeing her mom's courage in times of emotional and physical challenges is what Mahler says she respects most about Redmond. Those values are what Redmond instilled in her girls, and what Mahler says she will remember forever.
"That's just who she is. She's going to take the situation, and 99% of the time she's going to be optimistic about it. And that's how she raised us," Mahler says.
Redmond's resilience is what her stepdaughter Rachael Raben Caines respected most after the death of her father. The two aren't related by blood, but treat and love each other as if they are, Caines says. Calling Redmond a stepmother sounds like an insult to her because of how close they are and have become since the loss of her father.
"We've always felt like we could bring anything up and say how we feel," Caines says. "We've just always worn everything on our sleeves -- the good, the bad, the everything. I think that was a big part of working through my dad's death. We were so open with each other and could call each other and lean on each other when we needed to."
Redmond exhibits a particular kind of strength to Caines, who says she has many female role models in her life -- a mother-in-law, biological mom and "Mama C," as she calls Redmond, who represents the mental toughness to get through difficult situations, like losing a loved one.
"There are so many degrees of toughness when you become a mom," Caines says. "And it's seeing how God puts certain things in your path to mold you, and I definitely think she's been molded and God is using her as a tool."
As her family shrunk and expanded, Redmond remained a rock to her children, they says; always an example of strength, honesty and understanding. To Redmond, the role of being a mother is one she will never take for granted.
"I've been a stepmom, a biological mom and an adoptive mom, and I can tell you there's no difference between all three of them," she says. "It's been such a blessing."
NAN Our Town on 05/07/2020
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